We here at BANANA-MEINHOFF are very happy to announce the arrival of our BANANA CLUB.

As a member of this exclusive scheme you will regularly be notified of completely useless unrelated products. This will be done by needlessly felling enormous amounts of trees which will be converted into paper, printed on, sent to our loyal customers who will (if sensible) throw straight into the (recycling) bin without even looking at.

Our ability to send you this glossy shiny rubbish is because at one of our check-out counters you will have given us your address under the misguided assumption that by collecting BANANA LOYALTY POINTS©™ you are onto a good thing. Sorry, you’re not!!

NO!! ONLY JOKING …

WE APOLOGISE; HERE AT BANANA-MEINHOFF:

We do not operate loyalty schemes – preferring to challenge any notions of corporate loyalty.

We do not believe in excess packaging and shiny designed wrapping in an attempt to con you into believing that our T-Shirts are anything other than what they really are; i.e. T-Shirts

We do not play droning musak to semi-comatose you into purchasing 5 T-Shirts when you only really came in for a packet of biscuits

Nor do we broadcast non-stop special offers to you on our very own station: RADIO BANANA©™; by a ‘DJ’ who worryingly and incomprehensibly sounds extremely happy and enthusiastic about the new price of tomato purée

We have a team working around the clock to ensure that the
wheels on your trolley are never wonky

BANANA AIR

BANANA AIR©™, due to strong demand, was recently added to our fleet of goods and services. All our aircraft are wind or solar powered; since borders between people and nations are not recognised – our flight times are second to none; and since we are not going abroad you will no longer require passports … We hope you enjoy the flight.

The in-flight entertainment will predominantly be in English; Welsh; French; German and Spanish – however, all languages can be happily catered for.

If ever travelling with BANANA AIR©™ we strongly advise occasional exercise – to avoid deep vein thrombosis – and suggest that our passengers wear loose-fitting garments (we find that T-Shirts are more than appropriate for this
purpose).

Our team of dedicated staff with unnaturally white teeth will happily bring you refreshments and ‘conversation cards’.

You may well experience turbulence during the flight. Do not concern yourself! This is a natural occurrence with BANANA AIR©™, but will soon pass.

In the extremely unlikely event of a crash landing – please head calmly and carefully for the nearest exit point (see above).

Do not forget to remove all pointy objects (such as high heels) …

… And, do not forget to slip your protective, life-saving, BANANA-MEINHOFF T-Shirt over your head as you leave …

All of us here at BANANA-MEINHOFF would like to thank you for joining BANANA CLUB, and travelling with BANANA AIR©™.We hope you enjoyed the trip!

Most of all – we would like to thank you for purchasing a BANANA-MEINHOFF T-Shirt from the trolley as it passed along the aisle!!

We wish you a safe journey home!

BEST WISHES FROM US AT BANANA-MEINHOFF

Oh … And, don’t forget to alter your watches!

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2007